Hot Monkey Sex from the Urban Dictionary ( Dedicated to, well,..Jeez...Nutty Motime Girls...):
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hot monkey sex |
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Very wild sexual intercourse that may or may not involve the use of monkeys.
After the annual Barn Dance, Joe-Bob and Mary-Joe had hot monkey sex in the stable, waking up all the animals in the process.
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| 2. |
hot monkey sex |
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wild, unabashed sexual activity that leaves one or more of the participants howling like deranged monkeys.
After five hours of athletic and dextrous hot monkey sex, both Sarah and Gene were ready for a good night's sleep.
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| 3. |
hot monkey sex |
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To engage in vigorously steamy sexual intercourse with someone who is not hot but leaves you screaming for more.
I know Lamont's not hot but he sure is good for hot monkey sex.
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| 4. |
Hot Monkey Sex |
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Hot Monkey Sex is when two (or more) people have a very sweaty pillow fight (occurs most often in cuba).
"Nick and Laura! Stop having hot monkey sex in our room!" -Kay
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| 5. |
hot monkey sex |
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Sex in high Tempratures with Monkeys and Dil-do's
Bob and The Monkey had Hot Monkey Sex
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| 6. |
hot monkey sex |
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When one has sex while swinging from something. Could be a tree, bedpost, or very tall shelf.
Tom and me had hot monkey sex while he hung from the ceiling fan.
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Political Bumper Stickers for 2008
1. Bush: End of an Error
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
3. Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First
4. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
5. Bush, Like a Rock - Only Dumber.
6. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
7. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
8. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
10. Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blow Jobs Anymore
11. America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
12. They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
13. Who's God Do You Kill For?
14. Jail to the Chief
15. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq ?
16. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full of Crap
17. Bad President! No Banana.
18. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
19. We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
20. Is It Vietnam Yet?
21. Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
22. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Hand Basket?
23. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
24. Dub ya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
25. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
26. Pray For Impeachment
27. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
28. What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
29. One Nation Under Clod
30. 2004: Embarrassed. 2005: Horrified. 2006: Terrified
31. Bush Never Exhaled
32. At Least Nixon Resigned
What Is Politics?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
NOAH
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted forthe future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hearnothing of it.Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumaneto put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord.'The the government beat me to it.
Mistranslations (Long post, but well worth reading.)
Click here for Original Bloopers
At the hotel you can find a breakfast room and a coffee shop apart from the 100 - 120 person brassiere which offers Hungarian specialities and international cuisine for the guests and customers from the city.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
Tokyo hotel: It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
Another Tokyo hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Bucharest: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.
Austria: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Hong-Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok dry cleaner: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Portuguese patent agent: 'It will not be necessary to state the name and address of the inventor if the applicant is not himself.'
Majorca: - English well talking
- Here speeching American
On a menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
A Hungarian mistranslation in a customs list: Sporting firearms with ammunition = sportoló tűzoltók ellátmánnyal (athletic firemen with supplies)
The Revolting Cigar-Makeress
The following is an extract from a synopsis of Carmen, thoughtfully provided some years ago by the Paris Opera for the benefit of its English and American patrons:
Carmen is a cigar-makeress from a tabago factory who loves with Don Jose of the mounting guard. Carmen takes a flower from her corsets and lances it to Don Jose (Duet: 'Talk me of my mother'). There is a noise inside the tabago factory and the revolting cigar-makeress bursts into the stage. Carmen is arrested and Don Jose is ordered to mounting guard her but Carmen subduces him and he lets her escape.
ACT 2. The Tavern. Carmen, Frasquita, Mercedes, Zuniga, Morales. Carmen's aria ('the sistrums are tinkling'). Enter Escamillio, a balls-fighter. Enter two smugglers (Duet: 'We have in mind a business') but Carmen refuses to penetrate because Don Jose has liberated from prison. He just now arrives (Aria: 'Slop, here who comes!') but hear are the bugles singing his retreat. Don Jose will leave and draws his sword. Called by carmen shrieks the two smugglers interfere with her but Don Jose is bound to dessert, he will follow into them (final chorus: 'Opening sky wandering life')...
ACT4, a place in Seville. Procession of balls-fighters, the roaring of the balls heard in the arena. Escamillio enters. (Aria and chorus: 'Toreador, toreador, All hail the balls of a Toreador'.) Enter Don Jose (ARIA: I do not threaten, I besooch you'.) but Carmen repels himwants to join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd. Don Jose stabs her (Aria: 'Oh rupture, rupture, you may arrest me, I did kill der') he sings 'Oh my beautiful Carmen, my subductive Carmen...'
It all ads up to a laugh in any language
Tim Miles, Eye on America
Sunday Express, July 10, 1994
THE billions of dollars spent on advertising by U.S. conglomerates - there's a commercial on TV every second of every day - ensures that whatever the product, it is firmly embedded in the consciousness.
Getting the message across to an international audience, however, can prove much trickier.
Glitches in translation have often had hilarious results.
Sometimes ignorance of another country's culture results in vociferous protests.
McDonald's promotion of the World Cup upset Moslems when the Saudi Arabian flag, with its Koranic text, was stamped on the burger wrappers. But the translation traumas make for a lot more fun at the expense of the boardroom stuffed shirts.
When Kentucky Fried Chicken exported its "Finger Lickin' Good" slogan to the Chinese, it emerged as "Eat Your Fingers Off".
Similarly, Pepsi didn't have much luck trying to persuade the Chinese to guzzle their cola. "Come Alive With The Pepsi Generation" somehow ended up in the native tongue as "Pepsi Will Bring Your Ancestors Back From The Dead".
In Spain, the Parker Pen company pushed its products with the dullish poster slogan which should have read: "To avoid embarrassment use Parker Superquink". To the equal embarrassment of the manufacturers, the final version trumpeted: "To avoid pregnancy use Parker Superquink".
Whether the Spanish swallowed it, or inserted it, remains a mystery.
Coors Beer lost its fizz in Spain as well when their hip phrase "Turn It Loose" came out as "Drink Coors and Get Diaorrhea".
And when Otis Engineering took part in an exhibition in Moscow, a translator somehow managed to render a "completion equipment" sign into "equipment for orgasms". "Body by Fisher", boasted the auto giant General Motors. "Corpse by Fisher" was how the Belgians read it.
Car names in particular don't travel well. The Pinto, made by Ford, is a Brazilian slang for a small sex organ. And when GM introduced the Nova into Spain, they quickly discovered the words no and va mean "doesn't go".
But the blunders can work the other way round. Roger Axtell, who has written six books on the do's and don'ts of internationl business, cites several foreign brands which didn't click in the United States, including a French soft drink called "Pshitt" and the Japanese cofee creamer "Creap". I can't think why.
These are examples of how a determined copy-typist can bring to life a piece of rather humdrum English, not to mention mediocre translation. The passage quoted is part of a Yugoslavian hotel brochure.
'The hotel is responsible for money valuables only when deposited in the sofe at the reception desk.
Check - ont time is mid - day and the room should be vacated by 2 p.m. or you will be charged for an adrtional ught.
Returu your key to the holl parter when leaving the room.
Please settle your account at the coshier's weckly.
If you do not wish to be disturbed, haug on the ont side of the door the sign provided.
Voltage is 220 V but the use of the electric i rous or telt les is not permitted.
For schedube and programmes of theaters as well as the tickets for all the types of performances, please, consult (he hall parter).
Ladie's and gentlemen's hairdressing salloon is on the ground floor.
On req nest your laundry will be washed and ironed in the shortest time as possible; please call the chambermaid (the haundry bag is in your room).
An underground garage for your car is al your disposal, too the vehicles in the parking place are not insured by the hotel.
Cocktail parties, private and business meetings, banqnets, (will con be arranged) on your behalf by us.'
Not to be outdone by their yugoslavian counterparts, a hotel in Brno generously informs its clients that: 'The flattening of underwear with plessure is the job of the chambermaid. Turn to her straight away.'
Hotel English is, of course, an integral part of one's stay abroad, a linguistic touch of local colour. I, for one, would refuse on principle to stay in a hotel whose brochure was written in perfect English. Beware! - beneath that shiny language gloss they are almost certainly trying to hide something!
This philosphy is shared by an Italian company who manufacture a product called 'Stonit'; I was so inspired by their honest advertising that I rushed out straightaway and bought great quantities of the stuff, though I had no idea what I was going to do with it:
'Our goal is to develop and persue a simple idea: "to take up spaces unattainable by other materials".
Once more an italian product, "STONIT" is brought on the market of outstanding esthetics and advanced technology.
STONIT is, above all, "itself", far from seeking to imitate conventional stones.
Stone Italiana, first producer has been playing for many years now in this field the role proper to all "NUMBER ONE".'
I still have all my Stonit in the back shed, and it'll probably stay there for many years to come; I don't mind - at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that it's "itself".
A slightly different philosophy affected the translation services at the European Athletics Championships in Split last year. To combat growing commercial interest in the sport, it was decided, among other things, to confer upon translating a truly amateur status. Information given to the press included the following items:
'TV record: At none European championship in athletic there were so many people from TV at one place as it will be in Split.'
'In the sale which is climatised in the hotel "Marjan" six writting machines and six telephone cabins are opened and insured for the purposes of journalists.'
'If journalist needs a doctor: While on sports feelds and in A 90 objects all journalists may use ambulance services which are openede on these places. In both sports villages "Split" and "Duilovo" there are ambulances of general medicine which work from 7-22 o'clock and ambulance on the city stadium is opened from 8-23 o'clock.'
A press release announced that: 'Many honorable people will be at Poljud during the European championship in athletic. Sports and political. Juan Antonio Samaranch, MOK president, ambassadors from many countries the highest Yugoslav functioners.'
And, finally, some useful advice was given to the Yugoslav team manager: 'You may put, if you want, part of the representative in a hotel. "Split", in the new built part. Some representatives will come in Split in the number less expected... Our representatives will mostly arrive on the European championship one by one maybe in groups, but not complete.'
Advice for women and men, from a humble, so big, and strong and intelligent chemist (me).
PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
>Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
>A: No, 35 children is enough.
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>Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
>A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
>
>Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
>A: Childbirth.
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>Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
>A: So what's your question?
>
>Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
>A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
>
>Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
>A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
>
>Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
>A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.
>
>Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
>A: Yes, pregnancy.
>
>Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
>A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
>
>Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
>A : When the kids are in college.
>
>'ESTROGEN ISSUES'
>
>10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'
>
>1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
>2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
>3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
>4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
>5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
>6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
>7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'
>9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
>10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
>
>TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
>10. Cats' facial expressions.
>9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
>8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
>7. Fat clothes.
>6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
>5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
>4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
>3. Eyelash curlers.
>2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
>
>AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
>
>1. OTHER WOMEN
Mermaids
Mermaids are one of the most ancient myths of humanity. Everyone knows the basic template: She's a woman on top but a fish on the bottom. The classic image is that of an alluring, bare-breasted mermaid sitting on a rock, ready to disappear beneath the waves at a moment's notice.
First off, let's just make three things perfectly clear. 1) There are no mermaids. 2) There are no mermaids. 3) There are no mermaids. Only two kinds of people seriously claim that mermaids are real: Hoaxers and idiots. We'll come back to this.
While they aren't real, mermaids are interesting. Many myths can be traced directly back to one primal source, but the general concept of the mermaid seems to have a universal quality. The earliest and best-known references to mermaids are found in Syrian and Greek myth. The Sirens in the Odyssey are often believed to be mermaids, but that was a later tradition and not part of the original text. Homer didn't describe the sirens as having fishy bits; they were simply sea maidens whose beautiful songs lured men to their deaths.
Variations on the theme can be found all over the world -- throughout Europe, Asia, and Africa, and even in indigenous American mythology -- but there is little common ground among the different iterations, with very few details to be found. This contrasts with legendary beasts like vampires or Yeti, in which very detailed legends have sprung up around specific geographical regions.
Often, related cryptozoological creatures are lumped in with your basic mermaid, but many of these belong to unrelated traditions. For instance, there are numerous legends about nautical shapechangers, particularly in Europe and the British Isles, but most of these legends are not mermaid- or even fish-specific. These include Celtic legends of the Silkies (seals) which are more appropriately part of the overall shapechanging framework associated with faery traditions like the Tuatha De Danaan.
Then there are the water nymphs, overtly sexual faery-types who are all woman, but somehow magically connected to water (usually specific bodies of water). These tales are especially common in Asia and Europe, and they usually come across as the least complicated form of male sex fantasy.
Actual mermaid stories are fascinating for precisely the opposite reason: they're the most complicated form of male sex fantasy. Mermaids are sex objects on prima facie grounds, but they're missing some salient parts below the waist. And therein lies a tale, so to speak.
Coupled with a total lack of non-fraudulent forensic evidence that anything remotely similar to a mermaid has ever existed, the inconsistency of the legends strongly suggests mermaids have a lot more to do with zeitgeist than zoology. That premise gained substantial ground as the Freudian implications of the mermaid became clearer and clearer with each retelling, culminating in the 1836 story of The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen.
Unlike the Disney movie of the same name, Andersen's Mermaid is a violent fairy tale laced with sexual subtext (as the best always are). When the soft, tender, little mermaid reaches the ripe, ripe age of 15, she falls in love with a human prince. She seeks a magic spell to grant her legs, but the price is stabbing pain with every step she takes on land. The witch who provides the spell also cuts out the mermaid's tongue with the cheerful observation, "Cleanliness is good." After enduring all this, the mermaid is jilted by her beloved prince, who opts for an authentic human princess rather than a foundling. The mermaid is offered the option of murdering her prince's bride, but prefers to commit suicide by throwing herself into the sea.
Andersen's mermaid has become a national symbol in Denmark, being depicted in a 1913 bronze sculpture by Edvard Eriksen. The statue is likely most famous for its frequent defacement and dismemberment, occasionally showing up in the news after being beheaded. The first such beheading took place on 24 April 1964; the crime remained a mystery until 1997, when writer Jørgen Nash confessed to severing the head and tossing it into a nearby lake. 
Since the first decapitation, the statue has been subjected to numerous drunken copycat crimes, losing its share of arms and heads over the years, or being dressed in a painted-on crimson bikini top.
Victorian notions of cleanliness aside, the mermaid is a densely layered collection of sexual metaphors and complexes. She's naked and continually wet, with long hair and bare breasts, but she lacks the vagina that (perhaps) dominates the dreams of the sex-starved sailors who encounter her. In The Little Mermaid, she trades her tongue for a vagina, but is forced to endure terrible stabbing pains when she walks, bleeding from her feet, which adds a menstrual motif to an already overcrowded set of symbols.
With all this subtext going for it, it's little wonder that the 19th century imagination took the idea of the mermaid and ran with it. People
wanted mermaids to be real. The most spectacular manifestation of this trend was the "discovery" of the FeeJee Mermaid by intrepid scientist
P.T. Barnum. Unfortunately, in Barnum's hands, the mermaid proved to be the exact opposite of sexy.
The FeeJee mermaid was supposedly the mortal remains of a genuine mermaid from the "FeeJee" islands in South America. Although Barnum advertised the exhibit with pictures of the traditional bare-breasted beauties, the actual FeeJee mermaid looked like a refugee from a Hollywood pitch gone terribly wrong: "It's like Gremlins meets Piranha meets Ebirah!"
The FeeJee mermaid was probably modeled after some rare and similarly weird historical artifacts found in Japan. The pedigree of the mummified creature was attested to by one of Barnum's cronies posing as a professor. With the support of several additional letters of scientific authentication (forged by Barnum himself), the FeeJee mermaid became part an insanely popular element of Barnum's traveling show, even after it was exposed as a glued-together conglomeration of parts from several different animals.
Despite its completely fraudulent origins, the FeeJee mermaid provoked the not-so-hidden desire of the masses to believe in even the most outrageous claims (see Rotten Library entries on Majestic-12, the Bermuda Triangle, the Cottingley Fairies, Numerology, Palmistry, Rabbit's Foot, Fluoridation, Alien Autopsy, Iraqi WMDs, and so on, and so on, and so on).
Even after Barnum confessed his fraud in 1855, showings of the FeeJee mermaid still sold out his traveling shows and inspired long lines at his "American Museum." Ironically, today there are now forgeries of the original fraud, and all-new frauds based on forgeries of the original fraud.
The FeeJee mermaid inspired numerous imitations which have become valuable, if eccentric, collectors' items. The basic template has exploded into cyberspace recently in the form of e-mail forwards and Web-based hoaxes which pop up sporadically. Any major nautical event, such as the December 2004 tsunami that wiped out hundreds of thousands of lives, can sublimate into yet another batch of e-mails insisting that CNN improbably missed the story of mermaid corpses washing up on every shore.
The frequency of these hoaxes tells you something about the enduring psychology of the myth. Outside the pages of the Weekly World News, you don't see similar hoaxes circulating regarding such mythic creatures as vampires or snipes.
The persistent nature of the legend has also inspired scientists to take a crack at explaining the worldwide fascination with mermaids. The results of their studies are less than impressive. The best theory they have been able to muster is that the mermaid myth is based on sightings of the dugong, a sea lion species whose females have hooter-like mammary glands.
Clearly, these scientists are full of shit. Perhaps they are in denial about the mermaid's resonance with their own subconscious urges. The legend of the mermaid is a weird conglomerate of sexual fantasies, Freudian taboos, innumerable water-based creation myths and perhaps our primal genetic memory of evolving from the sea (after all, fetuses develop something resembling gills during their time in the womb).
If the mind-blowingly ugly dugong somehow stimulates your libido and/or awakens your spiritual essence, we suggest you seek help immediately.
Physicists Create Universe Smaller Than a Marble
May 9th, 2008 | remarkable
Image from Pingnews
At Lancaster University, they’re unraveling the secrets of how to build a universe. In fact, they have already formed one, or something very much like it. This scientific breakthrough lies in the bottom of a chamber no larger than your pinky finger, filled with helium and cooled to 0.0003 degrees Fahrenheit above absolute zero.
By placing helium in a state which most closely resembles the form it held at the beginning of the universe, scientists have created an opportunity for the gas to go through several low-energy evolutions. These defects in space-time, are represented by tiny whirlpools in the helium, which are created by the rapid expansion, and equally rapid slowing of the expansion; something that it’s believed our own universe did at the big bang and in the moments thereafter.
How, then, did our universe go from whirlpools that could fit in a thimble to galaxies larger than our imaginations can properly comprehend? Physicists, ever ready with their dry wit, have deemed these phenomena “inflation.” Nobody knows how this works or why, this happened; vast amounts of energy aren’t something you’d like to replicate in a lab. Black holes and supernovas aren’t pleasant lab partners. It’s quite evident to the researchers however, that inflation, or something very much like it took place and, lacking the ability to do field research of lab trials, they have built scale models. This is where the tiny galaxies come in.
The theory being presented by the physicists in Lancaster University is that inflation is the product of violent competition: a series of collisions between universes known as “3-branes;” a term related to string theory which I’m frankly not smart enough to explain to you. Suffice to say that our universe is one, because it exists in 3-5 dimensions.
What the string theorists claim is that in a collision of two 3-branes, or two different modes of pure helium like that containing the mini-galaxy, the universe will rapidly expand and stop instantly, mimicking the halting advance of the universe’s growth. Remarkably, when super cooled helium in different phases is mixed, it does exactly that: symmetries in the solution disappear, and aberrations form; the first step in several that lead to the forming of galaxies out of nothing. The secrets of the universe it seems, aren’t safe for long.
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
